Watching Die Fetten Jahre sind Vorbei. The scene with Jule explaining about the debt she owes to a CEO for totaling his car was powerful for me.
I’m growing angrier with both the capitalist system and, more importantly, with myself.
First, myself. I chose to go to an expensive private college, without having any idea of what I was going to study or what kind of job I would have. I did get a scholarship, but I mainly went there because I wanted to play soccer and I liked that I could explore different subjects and find out what I wanted. I made the decision to go to Beloit when I was in high school.
At that time, my parents told me I could go to whatever school I wanted to; cost didn’t, and shouldn’t, matter. And I could study whatever I wanted to. Follow my dreams. It was hard for me to decide; because I had no idea what I wanted (I still don’t really). But I made a decision, although it wasn’t a passionate one.
Then, almost right before I left for college, my parents told me I would have to pay for a third of it. They phrased it in a way to make it seem like it was good for us (my sister was going to another expensive private college at the time and was in the exact same situation), that it would build character and that we could get some good experience of how to pay for something worthwhile. I realize now that it was only because they realized that they were in so much debt that they couldn’t pay for our educations themselves, even though they had practically promised to before.
I was a stupid eighteen year old kid with no experience with debt or jobs or even society as a whole. I obsequiously and even a bit happily agreed to take on the responsibility (although I didn’t have a choice), thinking that if my parents were telling me to do it, it must be good for me.
Now I’m stuck with debt that will be difficult to pay off soon, especially with the kind of jobs I can get as an English major (although luckily I got a decent job abroad). My seemingly good decision six years ago has me set up to be a debt slave for the next ten years of my life. Of course, everyone must pay for his decisions.
But what kind of system is it? (the real problem is my parents, but as they are some of the most capitalistic people I know, and because they shouldn’t be brought into this, they’ll be left out)
Every kid is told to go to college, but before they have a sense of what working is like, or what college is like, or what debt is like, they’re told to decide.
Then, while they’re paying off their debts, they’re also being told to compete with their peers to own more other things (luckily I don’t give a shit about this). Even though I can be considered more “wild and free” than my peers by traveling abroad and not choosing a career, the thought of my debt creeps into my brain too often, and is paralyzing.
The main goal in my life at this point is to get rid of my debt, so I can be free. But what kind of goal is that? To complete that goal, I need to make money: money is the main focus of my life. I never planned on it being that way. And by the time I pay off my debt, I’ll need to start saving for retirement.
I’m sick of this system. Can I just run away from it? Can I just forget about the debts? Are they real?
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