I rushed to TaeKwonDo to find out it was canceled for children's day. I thought about taking the bus home and going for a run, just to get some exercise, or to finish the lesson plan I should've done already, but I decided to walk the way back and spend some time thinking about my life.
I noticed how pretty the way home at night was, with the trees and the streetlights. And I was alone, just the darkness and the green trees lit up and the street with a few cars.
But then, from the walking and my dinner, I started to feel like I had to shit. I thought about taking the next bus but decided not to, hoping I would find somewhere to take a shit along the way or that it would pass. It didn't pass, and it didn't look like there were bathrooms for a while. I started to think about a post I had read on an online forum about a guy who had irritable bowl syndrome, or some condition where apparently you had to shit a lot. I thought I might have the same things, but then I realized that I only have to shit really bad when I've had a filling dinner and a long walk right after.
I remembered a response to the bowel syndrome guy's post saying that Korea had a lot of public restrooms now after the World Cup.
I started thinking for a second, if maybe I can think about my future to distract me. It didn't work, so I slowed down my walking and thought about each step, clenching my butt cheeks and trying to keep my insides from sloshing around and bothering my stomach even more. I saw a few places but they didn't look promising. In Korea, or Seoul at least, you want to find a multi-story building with a few businesses in it; there's usually a shared bathroom in the stairwell.
I didn't see any of these kinds, just single story restaurants and car places and places I didn't know what they were for. Then I see one, but it looks dark. I might just have to keep clenching until I get home. It was Children's Day; not much was open. I glanced inside the stairwell briefly and without confidence. There I saw, at the top of the stairs, a small illuminated square of white porcelain.
I shuffled up to the small bathroom, checked if it was for a man or a woman: It was unisex. I checked for toilet paper: it's there. Then I look down at the toilet in the only stall. It's a squatter. Whatever, it'll make a good story I thought for half a second as I desperately dropped my pants, closing the stall door after. Shit gushed forth. I found the flusher, still trying to catch my bearings, got some toilet paper, considered how to use it, then someone walked in. He used the urinal and I decided to wait til he was gone to avoid an awkward foreigner moment. But he just left, locked the door, and turned off the light. I gave a quick wipe, flushed, picked up my bag, then felt the walls for a lightswitch. None. I tried to open the door, and managed to since you could unlock it from the inside. I turned on the light switch outside the room and washed my hands and left. The owner locking up for the night might be confused in the morning to see the door open, but why didn't he notice I was in the stall. Fuck it. I didn't care.
So then, with a few minutes away from my apartment, I thought about my life. I didn't want to do this forever, maybe not even another year. But what would I do if I didn't do this? This is fine for now though, maybe one more year. But then I thought I'm not getting any younger, why do something I don't like if I'm not getting experience doing something I want to do. What job will I find where I can say "I love my job" like a cop does in movies when he catches a bag guy? I should decide soon and not waste any more of my life.
And then I couldn't remember if I'm 24 or 25. That's not so old, either of them, but also not so young. It's probably time to make some sort of life decision. Then, when I got back to my apartment, I remember I'm 23, my Korean age is 25.
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